All that is expected of her life...

"All that is expected of her life is to be a wife and a mother," he said to me smugly.  I tried to defend her but the battle was already lost. The girl was taken out of school at the tender age of 13 to train to be a wife and mother. Her meager existence was planned. Dreams of being more than her chosen lot in life were floating into the air like a balloon, to never return. Education was the first area of girl's life to be chained and there is no key to unlock it. This is only the beginning. I felt rage like I've never felt before. Injustice. Narrow mindedness. Power. All enforced at her expense...And yet, we sit and watch as this tragedy unfolds.  Where is the hero to save her? The hero is within, but will have to come at a price. 

Charlotte Temple: America's first best seller

I am an avid reader and love finding good books at second-hand stores and other various venues.  I happened to come across a small book called Charlotte Temple a little while back. It has probably been a year since I first brought it home. The author, Susanna Rowson, referred to this small novel as, A tale of truth and added that little line to the title when it first published in 1791. The novel was available in America by 1792. Over the years, the novel came to be known simply as Charlotte Temple.  The only extant copy is in the Barrett Collection at the Alderman Library of the University of Virginia. 

Charlotte Temple the first American best seller that went through more than 200 editions and was the most popular novel until Harriet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin, which I plan to read next. I am ashamed to say how long I've had that book on my shelf and not read it. 

This is a tale of a young girl about 15 years of age who was seduced by a man, they eloped to America with the promise of marriage upon arrival, then Montraville abandoned Charlotte, while heavy with child, to marry another woman. In that time period, women were considered ruined if they deviated from the societal norm of not having sex outside of marriage and Charlotte knew it. The desire to be forgiven by her parents was nearly more than poor Charlotte could bear.  The author meant for this tale to be an inspiration to young women that virtue is a possession that females must hold in high esteem and to protect until marriage. Even though our society has become lax with this view, I believe that some still cling to it.  Oh I know it is a melodramatic novel, written simply and at times the author writes directly to the reader, but take it for what it is worth, a novel meant to help young girls.  

Fans of the novel had a stone placed for Charlotte Temple in the Trinity Churchyard in Manhattan, New York.  Click on the link and it will take you to her burial place, well, hypothetically. 

The book ends with poor Charlotte dying as soon as her father arrives, but her deceivers get a bit of karma, which I liked the best. Why can't real life be like that? Or maybe it is. 

It's a mans world

Women had no rights, and that was how God intended it to be. Females with brains were unnatural creatures. it was the duty of men to protect, govern and guide the weaker sex and the duty of women to obey without question. It was unthinkable that they should vote or hold national office. The nation would be in ruin. Keir Hardie, who had just been elected to the House of Commons, tried to talk about the rights of women, but was laughed at by the members of Parliament. (Noble)

At that time in Britain women could not vote, hold office or enter any profession except teaching or nursing. If a woman inherited property, her husband controlled it when she married: if she left her husband, he kept her fortune; it was his legal right to make all decisions regarding her or their children. (Noble)

After watching the recent movie release, Suffragette, I realized how fortunate women are today, at least in this country. We still have issues with equal pay for the same work, men are placed in higher positions of authority more often than women, and sexual harassment is still an on going problem. But without a doubt we can vote, work, and own property without any recourse from men.

As a divorced woman, I have liberty because of those women who were willing to fight for the vote. Otherwise, I would still be living with any family member who would be willing to take me in. The core is that women wanted to be considered equal to men, and rightly so. Alice Paul said in 1920 when women were granted the vote, "It is incredible to me that any woman should consider the fight for full equality fully won. It has just begun."  She went on a hunger strike and was force fed raw eggs (down her nose) until she vomited blood. She was then put into a sanatorium with the hopes of being declared insane. A psychiatrist examined her and afterwards was asked if she was insane. His reply, "Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity." And the war wages on today. 

The Suffragette movement was in the works long before 1920 when the 19th amendment was ratified. In July 1858, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott organized the first women's rights convention in Seneca, NY and launched the woman suffrage movement. Susan B. Anthony registered and voted in the 1872 election in Rochester, NY. She was arrested for "knowingly, wrongfully and unlawfully voting for a representative to the Congress of the United States," and was convicted by the state of New York, being fined $100, which she insisted that she would never pay a penny of it. 

The mindset of men and women today are very different than our predecessors with still room for a lot of improvement. We have a long way to go when it comes to attitudes towards people of color, religion, and anyone different from the norm. 

"If its right for men to fight for their freedom, then its right for women to fight for theirs." (Suffragette) 


Resources:

Emmeline and her Daughters: The Pankhurst Suffragettes by Iris Noble

Teaching with Documents: Woman Suffrage and the 19th Amendment, 
www.archives.gov/education/lessons/woman-suffrage/petition-to-congress.html

Petition from Susan B. Anthony to Congress, www.archives.gov/education/lessons/woman-suffrage/anthony-petition.html

What it is to be Human

"You can't buy life." He said.  That tiny sentence touched me.  We spend our lives working, sleeping, eating, loving, etc... I just watched a  program Called Human by Yann Arthus-Bertrand. He spent three years travelling the world collecting personal stories from over 2000 people and compiled a 3-part documentary on being human.  Each of us has a battle. Most of the time we think that we are in it alone, but we are not.  It is beautifully done and for me it was emotional to watch. I cried as I listened to the stories of poverty, hardship, wanting love, and never knowing it. I thought about my struggles and realize that mine pale in comparison to those that told their story.  Part 2 & 3 are on Youtube. 

"Life is like carrying a message from the child you were

 to the old man that you will be."

Raised flower beds, colored bottles, and fire pits

I have been doing a lot of work outside this spring and summer and have accomplished several projects.  Cooking in outdoor spaces really appeals to me.  The smokey flavor that permeates the food as it slowly cooks over an open fire is well worth the wait.  Last year while visiting my brother's family I noticed that he had made a small fire pit in his back yard.  It was simply made with bricks.  He told me that he burns leaves in it and also has a tripod and often cooks meals as well.  I went home and thought about how I wanted mine to look.  I dug a hold about a foot or two deep and surrounded the hole with bricks. Once I got the bricks the way that I wanted them, I glued them together with landscape adhesive. Then I cooked a tagine on it.  Oh how heavenly! More than this, I didn't need a man to help me.  

Then I decided to put a raised flower bed in front of the fire pit.  For years I have wanted to grow tomatoes, but didn't have the time or energy to do it.  I had a little extra money this summer and on a whim I decided to just do it.  I went to the store, bought the wood , about 20 bags of dirt, and commenced on this somewhat simple project.  After returning to the store a couple of times for more supplies the bed was done.  Then came the cats.  They thought that I had built them an extra large litter box.  I tried sprinkling cinnamon, which failed after it rained. Then I decided to use chicken wire and lay on the beds.  At this writing I am waiting to see what happens with the "poop" situation because I laid the chicken wire today. Again, I did this project by myself.  Afterwards, I felt like I was going to die, but instead I lived to put in two tomato plants the next day. 

Last but not least, I really like green and blue, especially cobalt blue.  I have been collecting a few bottles to make a bottle tree of sorts.  It is very popular here in the states. Initially I bought some dowels, cut them in half and placed the decorated bottles on top.  I wasn't really crazy about the look. Last year I bought four metal trellis' for moon plants that I had in my flower bed at the time.  This year I didn't plant them.  The trellis sat there bare.  I was laying in bed thinking about my garden and it struck me that I could hang them on the trellis'.  When I hung the first one, I quickly added the rest. I had to decorate them of course! They give the garden a bit of color and maybe a little break from the ordinary garden look.  

Before 

after

So, when people tell you that it is impossible to do something, I think you should accept the challenge and show them otherwise.  More projects coming up. 

Elizabeth Packard: Sent to an Insane Asylum for speaking her mind

Last week, I went to see a play called: Mrs. Packard.  It was based on the life of Elizabeth Parsons Ware and her life.  Elizabeth was encouraged to marry Theophilus Packard in 1839.  They had six children.  He was a Presbyterian minister who was a diehard Calvinist.  He believed that God was a harsh and judging deity, while she leaned towards a more loving and merciful God, thru Christ, who is our teacher and friend. They also disagreed about child rearing and slavery.  If a wife is not behaving how the husband wishes her to behave, he had the right to commit her to an insane asylum.  That is exactly what her husband did. She was kidnapped from the bathroom and taken to the Illinois State Hospital in Jacksonville, Illinois to teach her a lesson. Once the misbehaving wife's spirit is broken, like that of a horse, and pledges that she will obey her husband in everything because he is superior, she is allowed to come back home. Some women refused to lie and spent their entire lives in the institution.

Dr. Mcfarland was the superintendent of the Insane Asylum when Elizabeth first arrived.  At first he took a liking to her, but when she wouldn't bend on her views he sent her to the 8th floor, where the really crazy women resided.  Elizabeth saw the deplorable state of the women and their surroundings that she began cleaning it up. She never was swayed from her views that landed her in such a place. Elizabeth remained in the hospital from 1860-1863.To keep her sanity, Elizabeth wrote about her life in the facility. Paper was smuggled to her by the staff knowing that she was banned from writing.

The picture came from here.

She was then released to go back home to her husband. Who boarded her up in a room in their home.  She managed to write a letter and a neighbor found it. Elizabeth was then released. There was a court case and it took the jury only 7 minutes to declare that Elizabeth was indeed sane. Imagine that.  Her husband moved with the children to another state. It took Elizabeth nine years to get back custody of her children.  Afterwards, she became heavily involved in treatment of the mentally ill and women's rights. She lived to be 81 years old.

As I sat there watching this women's life become a nightmare,  I thought about the millions of women who are living right now.  We just recently read about the little girl named Malala Yousafzai who was shot because she wanted an education. The thousands and thousands of girls who are raped and then thrown aside by their cultures because they are now considered not good enough to marry or are forced to marry the rapist to save the reputation of the family. I could go on and on about this subject. We have advanced with the rights of women here in America and in Europe, but there are areas of the world who are at least 100 years or more behind in their beliefs that women are valuable. I sure would like to see some changes in this area for the better in my lifetime...I really would.  

Daring Red Wallpaper and the Office

Those dreaded cream colored walls at every working establishment have always bothered me.  I know that beige fits into every decor and will not clash with any other color.  But, honestly,life is all about color.  Red is the color of boldness.  It draws attention to itself like no other color.  Back in the early 90's, I worked at a moving company.  We sat in little cubettes, which is what I called them, they were half of a cubical.  All of the workers were lined up like sardines in a can.  Each desk a copy of the next.  A friend and I decided to put wall paper up in our work station with a stapler. (she now works with me at my current job and reminded me about this) It was red with small white dots. It looked beautiful!  We neatly arranged our papers on top with that lovely red background.  People would walk past our area, point and then laugh.  You know what? I didn't care.  I was trying to be an individual.  I wanted to break away from the blandness of everything and bring color into my world of work. 

When I bought my little house, the living room was a dull cream color with taupe carpet.  It was like walking into coldness. There was no warmth or pizazz. The first thing I did was paint the living room red.  It is still red to this day. I am very happy with it.  Have you ever done anything knowing that others might make fun of you? 

Educating Girls is Obscene

The attack on 14-year-old Malala Yousufzai a week ago horrified people across Pakistan and abroad. Today, she was taken to the UK for specialized treatment. She was shot because she was promoting education for girls. Why? It was the Taliban who attacked this girl, with intentions to do it again if she lives.  Did you know that they are not Afghan people at all, but radical Muslims from Saudi Arabia and Yemen. According to the Taliban, educating girls is an obscenity.  Do you know why they think this?  Because the girls will be able to think for themselves. Education is a human right. Women want more from life than to live under the dark cloud of total submission.

The female mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Evening with Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Photo by Tony Demin

Yesterday, I drove five hours just to see Ayaan Hirsi Ali at the Opera House in Traverse City, Michigan. The Opera House was packed. She was the first guest speaker in the National Writers Series.  I sat on the first floor, only a few rows from the front. Last year, I read her books, Infidel and Caged Virgin while Nomad is on my bookshelf waiting to be read (I needed a small break from the topic). Ayaan is an elegant, soft spoken, yet strong woman, whom I admire very much.  She was interviewed by Jack Segal for the first part of the lecture. She talked about Islam, women's rights, education for women, the Taliban, and religious tolerance.  In 2005, she was named one of the most influential people in the world by Time Magazine. The second half she took questions from the audience.  I had my question ready. I stood up with a pounding heart, trying to calm myself down in the process. The words were jumbled that came out of my mouth, but I got the point across eventually.  She understood my meaning and elaborated on the answer for several minutes. She is brave for speaking out like she does. I take my hat off to her.

Women = Oppression, Maybe?

I watched the PBS special Half the Sky on Monday and Tuesday evenings.  I knew about the oppression of women in Africa and India.  It really surprised me how this is not just a singular problem but a global one.  Where cultures are influenced by religion (sometimes not) and tradition to the point of making half of their population atrophy.  Women in some countries do not have a say over their own bodies because they are expendable. Life is valuable in every form, from plants to people, we all have our place and job to do in this world.  Change cannot come from without but from within.  If these women want change then they will have to be brave and take risks to stand up for themselves, even though the rest of the world is right there willing to help.  When one girl said that she would not allow her son to marry a girl that didn't have genital mutilation because God would not like it, I cringed.  It is time to think outside the box of culture and abstain from those traditions which cause harm not only physically and mentally, but spiritually as well.  Click on the link above to watch the documentary.  Women need to be lifted up to the same status as men. Equal! Because, quite frankly, we are more than equal.

The Consequences of Love in Saudi Arabia



One of my belly dance friends gave me a book to read.  She picked it up at a greatly reduced price and liked the cover, not knowing that this book was more than a romance novel.  As she read, she thought of me.  Once she was finished she told me that she had a book for me to read.  It is called, The Consequences of Love, by Sulaiman Addonia. The story takes place in Saudi Arabia, the center of Islam and it's strict laws.  The place where men and women live separate lives. Women are forbidden. Love barely exists. Poverty and no connections, meant that a man could not marry. Within the first few chapters I read about sodomy, beheadings and the religious police. The story was intriguing. At a tender age, Naser and his younger brother Ibrahim were sent to Saudi Arabia to avoid the war back home, only to encounter a war of another kind.  His fight for the love of a woman began when Fiore dropped a note at his feet.  From that day forward, Naser's life would never be the same.  In school, dreams of the afterlife was so imposed on their lives that dreams on earth were forgotten. At 19, Fiore said that she was buried all of her waking life, including her dreams. Everything that she hoped for lay beyond the walls of her prison, which is called home. When she went out, her beauty was covered by a piece of cloth, and at home her intelligence and knowledge were shrouded by the walls of her room. Everything about her was concealed. The Consequences of Love is a dark and evocative testament to desire in an inhumane state.





The View of Women in the Bible: She Was Never Considered

In the news lately, there has been a lot of talk about rapist marrying their victims.  I wondered where ideas such as this one originated from.  After doing a little research, and not having to look far, I found my answer.  It is from the Bible.  Yep, that is what I said, the Bible.  Millions of people the world over read this book and many read it daily. To a lot of Christians it is viewed as the literal word of God.  Now, before I give the scriptures, I am going to say that many people will come back to me and say that the scriptures are from the Old Testament not the new, we are no longer under that covenant. Ok. The Bible was written thousands of years before the Qu'ran and the New Testament. The poor women who lived back in those times.  For some women life is still the same today as when it was then.


Exodus 21: 7-11  This passage talks about a man selling his daughter, but he cannot sell her to a foreigner. Really?


Deuteronomy 20: 10-14  If a man takes plunder from a city after it has been attacked, women, children, livestock and everything else may be used however he likes.  Hmm, women and children in the same category as livestock.


Deuteronomy 21: 10-14  If a man notices a beautiful woman among his captives, he may marry her. What if she didn't want to marry the man?  He cannot sell her as a slave because he has humiliated her.


Deuteronomy 22: 13-30  A man has married a virgin, but after sleeping with her feels that she isn't.  Her parents have to prove that she is by bringing the cloth with the blood on it to the elders. (they still do this in Morocco) If she was a virgin, then the man will be punished for trying to tarnish her good name. We are not done yet.  If she is found not to be a virgin, then she shall be stoned to death. Evil must be purged from among the people.  Oh, there is still more.  If a man rapes a girl who is engaged to be married and she lives in a city and she doesn't cry out then she shall be stoned because she didn't call for help. But if she lives in the countryside, then she shall not be punished because if she cried for help, no one could hear her cries.  However, if the girl was not engaged to someone, the rapist must marry the girl and the man can never divorce her as long as he lives. (this, too, is still done in Morocco)


Deuteronomy 25: 11-12  This is a good one.  If two men are fighting and the wife of one of the men comes to help rescue her husband and grabs the other man's private area, her hand will be cut off.  She is not to be shown an pity.  Do you think that the woman really wanted to touch the other man? Probably not.


 Judges 19-16-30  This story is very gruesome and I cannot understand why it is in the Bible.  A man's concubine ran back home.  He went to get her.  On their way back, they stopped for the night in a small city. They settled in the city square and hoped someone would invite them to stay for the evening. A man came along and he invited them to his home.  He wined and dined the couple.  Some men from the city saw the traveler and thought that he looked good to them. So, they beat on the man's door demanding that the guy be sent out. Instead, the concubine was sent out and the men raped her all night long.  She made her way back from the vile men and died on the doorstep the next morning.  She was never considered as valuable, after all she was a concubine.

I would like to see the mindset about women in general changed.  She brings children into this world for the man that she loves. She is the foundation of the home.  She loves the man who is in her life and a woman tries her very best to show her love. The Bible says that a woman who has a noble character, her price is far above rubies.  She is half of the population and without her there wouldn't be any children or families.  Yet she continues to be downtrodden by archaic thinking.  She needs to be seen for what she is. She is the opposite of man but quite his equal and many times she is smarter than he is, but she keeps that bit of knowledge to herself.

Alifa Rifaat's Short Stories of Women

I have just finished reading Distant View of a Minaret by Alifa Rifaat. It is a collection of 15 short stories about women. There are stories of love, death, fantasy, and frustrations of everyday life.  As I read, I felt as though I were one of the women who struggled to survive life.  Men's rules and selfish desires made it hard for women to live a fulfilling life, this is the focus of the author's stories. I felt that many of the women resigned themselves to how things were and patiently waited for death, hoping that their next life would somehow be better than the one where they reside currently. 

The story called, The Kite, was the most inspiring.  It begins with Widad, a widow, who has just risen from sleep to the voice of the Muezzin calling for morning prayers.  After her husband passed away, the chickens were her only companions in life, whom she knew each one and it's characteristics. She would have endless conversations with them.  When she was young, Widad loved a young man named Mitwalli.  He felt love for her as well, but Widad's father married her off to another man.  Years later they meet again.  Mitwalli still wanted her.  Widad was waiting for death.  During a dream Widad saw here life with Mitwalli and it was a good thing. She decided, Why not? Sometimes we are given second chances. This is not a new book but one from the 80's.  Stories are a good way of causing you and me to think about life.  It is a good thing.

Arab Spring and Women's Rights: Are We There Yet?

Al Jazeera talks to author Amal Al-Malki about Arab Spring and women's rights.  She feels that Arab Spring has failed women. Arab women have traditionally been portrayed as voiceless and invisible, even in the media.  Women are only seen in Arab Media 1\5 of that of men. In my opinion, this is still a man-run world and will always be that way.  Even here in America, high positions in a majority of companies are held by men. Although there are two Women Presidents in Africa, women's rights are still being held hostage in Arab and African countries. The only thing that Arab Spring did for women is to expose their lack of rights and equality.



This video is from Aljazeera web site and I found it to be very interesting.

Mature at 12 for Marriage?

Sheikh Abdul Aziz al-Sheikh is a Saudi Grand Mufti.  He thinks that girls are ready for marriage at the tender age of 12, maybe 10 if she is mature.  Seriously?!  He is quoted as saying: "Our mothers and before them our grandmothers married when they were barely 12,” he added. “Good upbringing makes a girl ready to perform all marital duties at that age," and those who say women should not marry before 25 years are following a "bad path."

Just recently in the news, a 12 year old girl from Yemen, Fawziyah Abdullah Youssef, died during childbirth, they like 9 year old girls there. Another case where a 12 year old was married to an 80 year old man in Saudi Arabia was in the news.  The girl was basically sold (dowry) by her father for $22,667, since the girl was underage the money went to her father. The mother tried to get a divorce for her but it proved to be a fruitless endeavor. The case was turned over to the countries Human Rights Commission.  It is ingrained in the Muslim mind that to pattern their life after that of the Prophet, who married Aiysha at 6 but didn't consumate the marriage until she was 9, will produce a blessed life for themselves. A girl of 12 is not thinking about babies but dolls and candy. I cannot relate to this mindset and it frustrates me to think about it.

Misogny = Hatred of Women

Yesterday, I came across an article titled, Why Do They Hate Us?, written by Mona Eltahawy.  She is an Egyptian-American columnist.  In November, 2011, Egyptian police beat her, breaking her left arm and right hand, and sexually assaulted her.  She was detained by the Interior Ministry and military intelligence for 12 hours.  Her article focused on the hatred of women by the Arab world.  Her story begins with a story written by Alifa Rifaat, Distant View of a Minaret. As I read the story, I realized that my life had mirrored that of the wife.  My experience was certainly not the only one, nor will it be the last. Sexual satisfaction is not just his right but her right too! Women the world over are second class citizens, especially in the Middle East. The United States has problems with women too. We are looked at as sexual objects, rather than living rational beings. There is abuse, neglect, rape, murder, and a host of other things that women must endure in our society. But life here is by far the best that the world has to offer. We have our freedom. We can have jobs. We do not need to marry in order to survive. We can choose to have children or not.  We can live on our own without any worries. The Middle East is a century behind in the rights of women. It was at least 100 years ago that women were allowed to vote in this country. We are given equal rights to property.  We can travel alone and drive cars. Oh how lucky we are! I feel for these women. A southern man describes his helplessness in this situation on the Foreign Policy web site.  He says that now he is aware of the problem but doesn't have the resources to rescue one. Isn't that is what men are supposed to do?  Rescue us from a miserable situation and bring us to his castle. At least, that is what the fairytale is. 

Click on the link above and watch the video to see what this Egyptian-American woman has to say about women's rights. 

Pakistan: Their Living Corpses

Yet again, another acid attack upon a woman is in the news.  Again?! Why does this kind of abuse continue to plague the women in the east?  Shama, is the latest victim of an acid attack in Pakistan.  Her husband threw acid in her face as she slept. Then he ran away. The man took her phone so that she could not call for help.  He complained that Shama took too much pride in her beauty.  A mother of four, Shama now feels that her life is over.  My question is where is the love for the wife? She bore this man four beautiful children, all of whom he should be very proud. 

Shama

The wife, who is the foundation of the home, has been shattered into tiny pieces.  Where is the value of women?  Many times the woman is forced to return to her husband or her in-laws home after the attack.  What kind of life will she live afterwards?  No wonder so many take their own lives.  They feel there is no reason to live.  Did you know that 90% of abuse to women is not reported because the woman is totally dependent upon the husband for survival. There are at least 1-2 reports of acid attacks every week in Pakistan.  But let's not stop here.  Afghanistan has reported cases of acid attacks on women too.  A school for girls was attacked by the Taliban in 2008 and at least 15 girls and teachers were sprayed.  The reason, you might ask?  Educating women. Constantly hearing about beatings, murders, rapes, etc..., makes me wonder about goodness and mankind.  There is a religious saying," that we are to love our neighbor like ourselves."  What about loving those to whom we are closest? A wife, mother, sister, or daughter is closer than a neighbor.

Widows are the same everywhere

I watched a documentary on September 11th.  But this was not just about September 11th it was a parallel between two countries, the United States and Afghanistan.  The documentary dealt with the widows of this tragedy.  Not just American widows, also Afghan widows too.  I was deeply moved by this short film.  Susan Retik and Patti Quigley documented their journey to Afghanistan to meet the Afghan widows they have worked to empower. If an Afghan woman is widowed and has children she is dependent upon the family of her husband. A husband is considered as "shade" for the women. As long as he is alive, his wife sits in his "shade". Once the shade is gone she is exposed to the elements. Often she lives in extreme poverty. The culture prevents her from having an ordinary job because she is a woman. To honor her family, the woman is required to wear a burka out in public.  If she remarries then her children remain with her husbands family while she lives with her new husband, which is a price many of them would rather not pay.  The contrast between American life and that of Afghanistan is striking and at times hard to fathom.

I have to admit I cried when I watched this film.  Women are the same the world over.  Many of the women said that their whole lives were horrible. They cried together as they opened their hearts to one another. Then I think about my own life. I am truly blessed.