Duped Again?

A few months ago a young man from Morocco requested that we be friends on my personal Facebook account.  I didn’t know him but I wanted to see what his intentions were.  No word came from him until this past Sunday evening.  After a long day at work and then dinner with friends, I came home and got on line to see what was happening with my friends and family.  Within a matter of minutes he had sent me an instant message.  He started out with the usual greetings that one makes when greeting another.  I told him my history with my ex-husband.  I wrote to him in French, so that there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings.  Nothing of what I told him registered in his mind.  Before I knew it he was saying that I was cute, I have lovely eyes, and I look young despite my age of 51.  He said that he wanted to have children with me. I told him that he needs a young Muslim girl to have children with.  “No, I would like to have a child with you,” he said. 

I felt like a gazelle that was being hunted by a lion. He was going for the kill. I quickly ended the conversation. His intentions were very apparent.  I could feel the rage coming from deep within. How dare this man assume that I am old and desperate!!! I was offended by his seemingly lack of respect.  People are very disappointing.  Where are the good people?  I think that it is a myth to believe that good will triumph over evil.

The Trouble with being a Cougar

Americans know exactly what I mean by being a cougar.  It is a woman who dates a man that is younger than she is.  Precisely how much younger is to be debated. My grandmother married my grandfather who was 7 years younger than she.  My cousin married a woman who is 15 years older than him. I know 2 couples from church where the woman is at least 10 years older. I was 10 years older than my ex-husband. Why all of the fuss? It is about having children. One couple didn't have any children. I don't have any children either (I wanted to very much). But in some cultures, if a woman cannot bear children then she is tossed aside for one that can. Some women will do anything to have a child.



 Just recently, I was talking with a young man from Northern Africa who married an American woman. He is in his 20's and she is in her 50's. He complained to me about various things regarding their relationship and he was very direct with what he really wanted. Children and good sex were missing from his life. I asked him why he married his wife if he knew that she was too old to have any more children, but ironically he didn't give me an adequate answer. All he said is that he didn't want me to think that he used her to get here.  I have my own opinion. 

Me

 In my eyes, marriage is sacred.  It is two people coming together to have one life.  Marriage in and of itself is hard enough without the pressure of having children. Sometimes I ask, where is the love?  Are women not more than baby making machines?  I've come to realize that being a cougar is not worth the chance of getting hurt. A heart is a terrible thing to break.  

Until Death or Citizenship, Whichever Comes First

How does one know that they are being taken advantage of in an internet love\romance situation?  You ask all of the right questions and believe in your heart that someone is honest.  Thinking that the other person has integrity like you do. You open up your heart and allow someone from across the ocean to come into your life.  Often they come to the one (you)  who has the most to offer, such as: home, car, job, etc..But what are the warning signs?  My brother and I have a question that we ask each other whenever something arises that is questionable. What color is your red flag?  Sometimes we ignore the warnings. 

1.  If he\she declares love\devotion within the first few weeks after meeting on line. Remember these people are desperate and will do anything to make a better life for themselves.  Just think of them as prostitutes because they are selling themselves for a green card or citizenship.

2.  They want to you come to their country to meet them right away. They will say it is impossible for them to get out of their country.  It is said in a way that makes it seem like they are being held prisoner there.

3.  Is there a big age difference? Muslims marry their own kind usually and a prospective bride must be from that country, Muslim and must be able to have children. You are an infidel - a dog - for them so you are so disposable and you don't know this till it happens.  Having a child is of utmost importance for a Muslim.  The man will divorce his wife if she cannot conceive.  

4.  They insist on getting married right away, even when your meeting them for the first time.

5.   They don't want to help you learn their language.  The less you know the better for them to accomplish their plan.

6.  Upon arriving in the spouse's country, they tell no one they are married at work or school or wherever. You are not invited to the company party. You are not on their Face book page or any other like website. You don't exist.

7.  He/she will be good to you until it is time for them to leave the marriage. I.E. green card or citizenship has been obtained.  Immigration always asks if it was a good marriage.  The scammer has been given advice from others as to what to do and how to get away with the fraud. The victim never thinks that it will happen to them.

My advice, and I am talking to myself, keep your eyes at home.

Please watch the video below.  I wanted to watch the entire show but it is not available in the U.S. yet. 

My divorce is final today.