Mature Love

He loves her...still.  They have been married for years and "it" is still there. I watched as he kissed her hand adoringly. It is their nightly ritual, he said. She is his world and it shows in his face. A love exists between them that I have never seen before.  I look on wishing, hoping, praying, that someday I will be loved like this. Until then, I wait...

Illusion of Intimacy

We need to think about the kind of connections we want to have with each other. We are lonely, but afraid of intimacy. Our little electronic and social media devices are so powerful that they not only change what we do but who we are.  They bring the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship.  I think that we are setting ourselves up for trouble. We are getting used to a new way of being alone together, but, also, be elsewhere at the same time. We want to control where we focus our attention.  People are hiding from each other even though they are constantly connected.  Because of these devices our view of what we consider a relationship has changed.  We have Facebook, Twitter, texting, email, and numerous other social media devices.  People are texting at funerals (seriously?). Talking on the phone in the bathroom. Befriending strangers on Facebook. Yet, where is the intimacy? What has happened to the human touch?

In a recent study, there was an old woman pouring her heart out to a robotic seal (paro). It had white fur with big eyes and long eye lashes.  The seal made comforting sounds when the woman bared her soul to the tiny robot.  Somehow she was comforted by this robot.  It made her feel understood, but the machine understood nothing. The old lady was surrounded by people who could have given her this kind of comfort, but opted not to.  However, they cheered a connection between a human and a machine and they thought about all of the possibilities for those lonely people who have no one to share their innermost thoughts with.  We expect more from technology than from each other.  At end of her life, she deserves to have people around who knows her story and can learn from her.  Can a device do that for anyone? What has become of her value?

By Len Barcousky//Pittsburgh Post Gazette

A couple of years ago, when I was going through my divorce, my brother, his girlfriend, and many friends and relatives were at my side whenever I needed them. My brother came over every day and would cry along with me. Those times were and are priceless. I literally would not have made it through such a dark and lonely time without all of them telling me that I can make it.  It is shameful to imagine a little old lady or man with no one to share their heart and soul with. For that matter anyone can be lonely and in need of companionship. Were we not made to be in pairs?

Smith family secrets...some I would rather not know

On Monday, I received the package from the National Archives that I have been waiting for.  It contains information about my Great-Great-Grandfather Pleasant Thomas Smith from Hamblen County, Tennessee. Hungrily, I read through the pages. Oh my!  My Great-Great-Grandmother was divorced. Her first husband spent two years in prision for arson. My Great-Great-Grandfather was accused of having a veneral disease and should not be given a pension.  I still don't know who the father of my Great-Grandfather is because he was born before my Great-Great-Grandmother was married to the arsonist. The joy of being a Smith...



Mature at 12 for Marriage?

Sheikh Abdul Aziz al-Sheikh is a Saudi Grand Mufti.  He thinks that girls are ready for marriage at the tender age of 12, maybe 10 if she is mature.  Seriously?!  He is quoted as saying: "Our mothers and before them our grandmothers married when they were barely 12,” he added. “Good upbringing makes a girl ready to perform all marital duties at that age," and those who say women should not marry before 25 years are following a "bad path."

Just recently in the news, a 12 year old girl from Yemen, Fawziyah Abdullah Youssef, died during childbirth, they like 9 year old girls there. Another case where a 12 year old was married to an 80 year old man in Saudi Arabia was in the news.  The girl was basically sold (dowry) by her father for $22,667, since the girl was underage the money went to her father. The mother tried to get a divorce for her but it proved to be a fruitless endeavor. The case was turned over to the countries Human Rights Commission.  It is ingrained in the Muslim mind that to pattern their life after that of the Prophet, who married Aiysha at 6 but didn't consumate the marriage until she was 9, will produce a blessed life for themselves. A girl of 12 is not thinking about babies but dolls and candy. I cannot relate to this mindset and it frustrates me to think about it.

The Art of Forgiveness

I have been battling forgiveness. I wrote in my journal that forgiveness is the next step in the healing process. I knew in the beginning that what I did was risky. But isn't everything that you do risky?  However, I thought that I would be an exception.  When I saw the signs, I turned my head and looked the other direction. I listened to my heart and not my head.  Oh this will not happen to me, I told myself. But it did. Then there is the anger. The rage is sure to tag along. You dream of revenge. Sometimes guilt or shame keeps you company far too long.  Misery takes residence where it wills. What to do? All the while hoping they die in a fiery car crash.

When I think about forgiving, the first thing that comes to my mind is that if I forgive it is like saying, oh that was ok what happened, when in fact it was the worst thing that could ever happen.  It is ok to be angry for being wronged. What happened, well, happened. I cannot change it. To forgive is that it removes you from being entangled in the rather dark thing that hurt you in the first place. This, however, is a process and cannot be done in an instant.  I was encouraged to pray.  Make a list of what the offense(s)was/were and pray. Am I there yet?  Oh no, but I am at least making an effort.

The Trouble with being a Cougar

Americans know exactly what I mean by being a cougar.  It is a woman who dates a man that is younger than she is.  Precisely how much younger is to be debated. My grandmother married my grandfather who was 7 years younger than she.  My cousin married a woman who is 15 years older than him. I know 2 couples from church where the woman is at least 10 years older. I was 10 years older than my ex-husband. Why all of the fuss? It is about having children. One couple didn't have any children. I don't have any children either (I wanted to very much). But in some cultures, if a woman cannot bear children then she is tossed aside for one that can. Some women will do anything to have a child.



 Just recently, I was talking with a young man from Northern Africa who married an American woman. He is in his 20's and she is in her 50's. He complained to me about various things regarding their relationship and he was very direct with what he really wanted. Children and good sex were missing from his life. I asked him why he married his wife if he knew that she was too old to have any more children, but ironically he didn't give me an adequate answer. All he said is that he didn't want me to think that he used her to get here.  I have my own opinion. 

Me

 In my eyes, marriage is sacred.  It is two people coming together to have one life.  Marriage in and of itself is hard enough without the pressure of having children. Sometimes I ask, where is the love?  Are women not more than baby making machines?  I've come to realize that being a cougar is not worth the chance of getting hurt. A heart is a terrible thing to break.