The Crazy Things Patients Say

Caller:  I have a doctor's order that says I cannot eat or drink for 12 hours.  Can I drink water?

Scheduler: Uh, no, drinking water is still drinking something.

Caller:  Ok, just thought that I'd ask.

Scheduler:  You need to avoid dairy products prior to your procedure.

Patient:  Can I have eggs?

Scheduler:  Eggs come from chickens and they are not dairy.

Patient:  Really?

Scheduler:  Dairy products comes from cows.

Patient:  Don't schedule me too early because when I look out mt two favorite windows and it is cold, it makes me freeze to the bone and it takes my a long time to get going. I used to put my children on the heater because they would get so cold.

Scheduler:  Ok I will look for a time in the afternoon for you. 

Patient:  I don't know about technical stuff, but I do know about herbs.  I can kill someone and they would never know what did it.

Scheduler:  (thinking to herself: I wonder if she knows that this call is being recorded?)

Caller:  I would like to schedule a mammy o gram