Jan 9, 2012

The Trouble with being a Cougar

Americans know exactly what I mean by being a cougar.  It is a woman who dates a man that is younger than she is.  Precisely how much younger is to be debated. My grandmother married my grandfather who was 7 years younger than she.  My cousin married a woman who is 15 years older than him. I know 2 couples from church where the woman is at least 10 years older. I was 10 years older than my ex-husband. Why all of the fuss? It is about having children. One couple didn't have any children. I don't have any children either (I wanted to very much). But in some cultures, if a woman cannot bear children then she is tossed aside for one that can. Some women will do anything to have a child.

 Just recently, I was talking with a young man from Northern Africa who married an American woman. He is in his 20's and she is in her 50's. He complained to me about various things regarding their relationship and he was very direct with what he really wanted. Children and good sex were missing from his life. I asked him why he married his wife if he knew that she was too old to have any more children, but ironically he didn't give me an adequate answer. All he said is that he didn't want me to think that he used her to get here.  I have my own opinion. 

 In my eyes, marriage is sacred.  It is two people coming together to have one life.  Marriage in and of itself is hard enough without the pressure of having children. Sometimes I ask, where is the love?  Are women not more than baby making machines?  I've come to realize that being a cougar is not worth the chance of getting hurt. A heart is a terrible thing to break.