Jan 1, 2015

The Year of Letting Go

This past year has been one of appreciating, especially my sister. Unfortunately, she had three operations within a short period and at times I felt scared for her. The last hospital stay I reminded her that it wasn't like going to a hotel.  They hurt you in those medical places.  Besides, not one time did I see a hot tub or a bar, which would have been nice. Over the course of the year my love for my sister grew exponentially.  I saw her in a new light. The viking queen needed tenderness and care of an older sister, which I willingly bestowed on her. 

The darkness of winter spurs us forward to hope of new life that spring brings with it and a rebirth of sorts.  I become introspective and jot down my thoughts, hopes, dreams, and disappointments into my journal where I do a lot of my soul searching, and it is a keeper of secrets. There are times that I struggle inwardly with insecurities and days I feel utterly stupid and useless. Then the sun comes out and the struggle is over until I have overcast feelings again.  

Each year I try to name the year and put the label inside the front cover of the journal. There was a year named "shattered dreams." The next year was the "year of healing."  The following year after that was the "year of rebuilding,"etc...This coming year my motto will be the year of letting go
   

We cannot control others, especially the way they think or do things.  Family or friends can wound us so deeply we feel that recovery is not possible. I realized recently that I can only control myself. My happiness is an inside job. I have to make myself happy and let them go.  The thought of it is hard but I must do it or otherwise be miserable.