Nov 29, 2011

With the Intent to deceive



“With the intent to deceive” kept going through my head all night.  One of my co-workers asked me if I could marry someone just to get out of terrible living conditions. It didn't take me long to respond. I’m not sure that I could do this. Yet it happens all of the time. People marry for various reasons, some honorable and some, well, not so honorable.  Since my divorce, I have been having a hard time financially. But to marry someone just to help pay my bills is deceitful and has never entered my mind.  I say this because I would rather do without or make a way for myself than to hurt someone intentionally. But not all people think this way. The used person has a heart, has feelings, and has a soul. Yet many people are used as if they have no value once the user is done with them.  They are cast aside like garbage. I read of many people, especially women, who are deceived into marrying someone from abroad with talk of love and devotion, only to find out that it was all a lie from the very beginning. Their self esteem plummets. The ‘victim’ often doubts their own self worth or plays the “what if” game in order to try and make sense of what happened. Users lie to the spouse, each other, and most of all to themselves, it is no big deal to lie, because they have been doing it all of their lives. “She pushed me away,” he said, “she has trust issues.”  The list can go on and on.  But the truth is he had another plan, an agenda. He was planning the divorce long before the marriage ever took place. He scoured the internet until he found his victim. She was his ticket to freedom. I guess you can look at it as you helped one person out of their misery only to put yourself into misery for trusting.  A heart can be broken and trusting another will be harder the next time around. But this too will pass. I would rather have the intent to love sincerely and not be afraid of God and karma to come looking for me. 

Picture came from here

11 comments:

  1. Is so sad how some people can destroy our life and keep walking as nothing happened. I hope you move on from the bottom of your heart from this pain and forget that person that does not deserve you or nobody. He will receive his reward soon... You will discover who was your husband, the most cruel, liar, with no mercy in his heart. GOD bless your life and help you be strong.

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  2. Trust me, I am doing so much better than last year at this time. I am slowly doing the things that I love and things that I not love so much (cleaning the oven). Thanks for your encouragement.

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  3. Salam Dear Jeannie,

    I happened upon your other blog when I was googling a recipe for Harsha to make and then I started reading your posts and sort of got bits and pieces from the last few years of your life. I just want to say that if it's really true what happened to you, I'm really sorry to hear (read) that. I live in the Seattle area and I know of many stories of women who have been deceived simply because a man wanted a green card. It has happened quite a bit to the American sisters who convert to Islam (I realize that's not quite what happened to you, but that's the community I am familiar with here). I can't imagine what you must have gone through, I'm only happy to hear that you are are healing.

    Your blog is lovely, especially the yummy recipes!! :) God willing, may He make you stronger and give you kheir (goodness) in this life and the next.

    Angelique

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  4. Angelique,
    Thanks for your kind words. I wish that there were more good people than bad. Deception is a horrible thing to happen to someone. Trust is a hard thing to obtain, it is not automatic but it must be worked for. People are always quick to the judge the victim, which is not fair. I had signs of what was going on but he talked about being honest and good and spiritual things, never thinking it would happen, but then it did. More people need to speak out about this. It is shameful to deceive, Shurma!!(shame!)

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  5. By the way, I love harsha and have it a lot. It is best with mint tea. It takes me back to Morocco when I eat it.

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  6. The man I met came from a wonderful family, a family he used as "bait"...he is out of my heart for good but even now will cry when remembering how hospitable his family was, the hand-sewn jellaba, caftan, & many other gifts the women gave me, the things they did to make me feel welcome, henna parties, special meals & taking me places that they thought I would enjoy, the kind & simple family in the blad too. He has hurt & shamed his family and I wonder if his conscious will ever catch up with him while he is living in his house of cards. He used the name of God in his deception and I'm sure that he'll pay for that even more than what he did to me.

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  7. It seems like every story is the same. I,also, received a hand sewn djellaba, cafatans, and many other gifts. His family was wonderful to me as well as his friends. It is so easy to blame the victim but when your words are not true, then there is only one person to blame. I cry sometimes too but this will pass. God bless you my friend and if you need me I am here for you.

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  8. I am so sad to read what has happened to you. I married a Moroccan man almost 7 years ago and have since converted to Islam. We have a wonderful marriage and I am very close to his family. I can't imagine how hard your situations must be. There are good people and bad people from every country, every religion, every walk of life. I hope that you are able to heal and see only the good in people.

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  9. Thank you very much for your comment. I am glad that you have a wonderful marriage, that is what I wanted too. The healing has been slow in coming. I will mend eventually. As for people? I don't know yet. The religious ones are supposed to be good, but more often than not, they are the worst people.

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  10. I just stumbled across your other blog and it made me happy because it all reminded me of my family back home. I am so sorry to hear about what happend to you. I am Moroccan, half anyways. And because I'm half i'me even afraid to marry a Moroccan. My dad wants me to though he wants to me go this year and find a husband he thinks its time since i'm 25 now. Thing is I'm not ready and I want to find my own husband. OMG i'm so sorry for telling my whole life story. I just really wanted to say I'm sorry and I was really hoping it was the real deal for you. YOu both looked happy in the pictures that i saw on your old blog.

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  11. Thanks Arkia, I appreciate you telling me this. I can honestly say, and from the bottom of my heart,I was happy. I truly was.

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