How does one know that they are being taken advantage of in an internet love\romance situation? You ask all of the right questions and believe in your heart that someone is honest. Thinking that the other person has integrity like you do. You open up your heart and allow someone from across the ocean to come into your life. Often they come to the one (you) who has the most to offer, such as: home, car, job, etc..But what are the warning signs? My brother and I have a question that we ask each other whenever something arises that is questionable. What color is your red flag? Sometimes we ignore the warnings.
1. If he\she declares love\devotion within the first few weeks after meeting on line. Remember these people are desperate and will do anything to make a better life for themselves. Just think of them as prostitutes because they are selling themselves for a green card or citizenship.
2. They want to you come to their country to meet them right away. They will say it is impossible for them to get out of their country. It is said in a way that makes it seem like they are being held prisoner there.
3. Is there a big age difference? Muslims marry their own kind usually and a prospective bride must be from that country, Muslim and must be able to have children. You are an infidel - a dog - for them so you are so disposable and you don't know this till it happens. Having a child is of utmost importance for a Muslim. The man will divorce his wife if she cannot conceive.
4. They insist on getting married right away, even when your meeting them for the first time.
6. Upon arriving in the spouse's country, they tell no one they are married at work or school or wherever. You are not invited to the company party. You are not on their Face book page or any other like website. You don't exist.
7. He/she will be good to you until it is time for them to leave the marriage. I.E. green card or citizenship has been obtained. Immigration always asks if it was a good marriage. The scammer has been given advice from others as to what to do and how to get away with the fraud. The victim never thinks that it will happen to them.
My advice, and I am talking to myself, keep your eyes at home.
Please watch the video below. I wanted to watch the entire show but it is not available in the U.S. yet.
My divorce is final today.
i am sorry for what happened to you.
ReplyDeleteit is a shameful thing that what you say of most visa card holders is true!
but not all of them!
i have been married 10 years.
and not all men divorce when their wife cannot have children. you cannot label all, a majority work that way but not all
does this mean you have given up on islam
ReplyDeleteDid you meet your husband on line? As for the religion, I cannot say right now whether I will continue or not.
ReplyDeletehi jeannie
ReplyDeletei tried to respond to you yesterday but my pc was acting up
i did not meet my husband online. i agree with some aspects of your article. there are many moroccan men (and women) who "hunt" for a "spouse" whether it be online or through a work visa. i can name many in my husband's extended family that would not hesitate to commit marriage fraud in exchange for a green card or for a passport. it is sad but true. i know many women who have gone through the same scenario. then there are another kind who come over with a work visa that will last so many months and they try sooooo hard to get married. some even have contracts with their supposed spouses that they pay them monthly, but they do not live together. it is terrible but true. but again not all are like that and cannot be labeled a such.
As for Islam before you make up your mind if you have any questions please i can do my best to help you. remember converting is for yourself and not for anyone else. let it be that at least something good came out of your bad experience.
one more thing...as for divorcing a barren women.. that is why ALLAH SWT allows marrying more then 1 so the woman does not have to get divorced and yet the husband can still have children to carry on his name. many do not follow this they divorce the woman as soon as she appears to be barren.
well sorry for taking up a lot of space, remember i can help answer any questions you have if you have any i would be happy to help, it just takes a day or 2 to get back to you.
Hello Friend,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reply. The real reason why my husband left is not because I couldnt have children or that we were not following the same religion but something else. Because this is a public space, I cannot divulge any further details. But I will say that tricking someone into marriage just for the sake of a green card or citizenship is despicable. It is something that I cannot imagine myself doing no matter what the cost. All of our actions have a reaction. Just like a boomerang, what we send out comes back to us. A heart is nothing to play with. God sees all and knows all. We cannot escape His eyes. If you want to talk further we can but via a different venue.
if you like my email is sister1983@live.com
ReplyDeleteyou can talk to me there, i am just sometimes slow by a day or two to return messages
I really hope that you make the right choice about Islam. Just remember, YOU are the one that made the choice to become Muslim. I would really hate to see you give up just like that. I also don't want you to dwell on the bad things that people have done to the religion, or how they treat there wife, or how they practice Islam. So many people these days try to change Islam to fit there lifestyle and that is wrong. I hope that you learn and love the TRUE MEANING and WAY OF LIFE that Islam offers.
ReplyDeleteHi Shannon,
ReplyDeleteYes I am the one who decides whether to continue or not following the religion of Islam. I just need time to heal and think clearly. I loved coming to the mosque and coming there only for myself. I enjoy the prayers too! Because I pray with feeling and my heart is speaking to God. I just need time, that is all.
Im realy sad for you I was so suprised and shocked! I havent been to your blog for the longest time I lost the link and finaly thought of typing in some recepies I printed from your blog.. and here I am back.... and oufffff I am so sad :-(
ReplyDeleteHugs!! Isabelle Yasmina
Thanks Isabelle, hugs received. I was shocked too! I am trying to be strong. Still a bit weepy though. This will pass with time.
ReplyDeleteHi Jeanne,
ReplyDeleteI know I am late to this blog, but I was hunting for tangia recipes and yours came up. I saw the Until Morocco blog and really enjoyed it, then saw it had moved. I am truly sorry that things did not work out for you. But I want to share something with you....
I had several friends who were Muslim at my job, way back in the Spring/Summer of 2001. After 9/11, I was, as was everyone else, in complete shock and horror, and living so close at the time to DC, I sort of tortured myself with everything 9/11 for months. Then my father died and I snapped out of it, and was determined to see with my own eyes what these crazy terrorists believed. The media was saying they believed they would go to heaven and be blessed, and that it was something they were instructed by their holy book to do. I began my "investigation" and about 2yrs later, I took my shahada. Now, I was 37 about to be 38 at the time, so I figured I'd be single forever, as Muslims tend to marry young and have loads of kids. I just prayed to God and said please don't let me struggle financially, but I was "okay" with being single.
I met a sister the night I took my shahada, and she was bent on me getting married (I was not so much in a rush, believe me). Anyway, about 4mos after I became Muslim I met my husband online. One of the things I had told the imam at the mosque where I went (and had taken my shahada - because this same sister told HIM I was looking to get married, so he wanted to know my "pre-requisits" for a husband). I told him I didn't care about race, but I wanted someone with a green card already if they were a foreigner, and also who had a good command of English (so they could understand jokes and whatnot). Anyway, on my own, I found my husband - online. Please know that there ARE good Muslim men out there who are not solely interested in a green card/citizenship.
If you would like to contact me, my e-mail is blforbes0309@gmail.com. Do not give up on Islam because someone was misleading in his intentions. If you believe in your heart that Islam is correct and the truth, please stick with that, and just CONTINUALLY beg Allah to help you through this time, and also know that while we may see it as Allah taking something away from us when we have loss, remember Allah is only freeing up our hands so we can receive what He is going to give us next, which will undoubtably be better.
Masalaam, and please contact me at any time.
Barbara
Hi Barbara,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your lovely comment. You have encouraged me in so many ways. I like the part where you say that Allah is only freeing up our hands so we can receive what He is going to give us next. I would like to talk more with you, if I may.
Jeannie
Sorry for rambling today Jeannie. I doubt I was much help.
ReplyDeleteHi Barbara,
ReplyDeleteYou were perfect. Loved chatting with you and would like to talk more.